Anna's Stages of Recovery

So, I think that I've gone through some pretty important stages of getting back to my normal self after having Grace.  Sure, I still have a ways to go, but I am happy with my progress.  I don't know how it goes for everyone else, but I think my stages were as follows:

• Stage One: The hospital.  Everything is good and happy.  If Grace doesn't sleep, we drop her off in the nursery and let the nurses deal with it.  I am excited when the nurses bring her in to be fed, even when it's 3 a.m.  I think her crying is cute.  Spencer changes all of the diapers.  
• Stage Two: Home. Friends and family are there to help.  People bring us dinner every night.  I see Grace as a time bomb that could explode into an episode of crying at any moment--crying that I have only a vague idea of how to deal with despite all the books I read.  Every noise I hear sounds like her crying, especially the shower when I'm in it.  I love her, but mostly, I'm afraid of her.  I'm relieved that people want to stay with me and help out.  I'm not sure how to "play" with an infant.  I am no longer as excited when she wants to be fed every two hours at night.  But...I am surprisingly fond of her little lumpy body that flops helplessly in my arms, even though I thought I would be afraid of her fragility.  I change most of the diapers.
• Stage Three: Still home and Spencer back at work.  I have to figure out how to cook again. I no longer hear babies crying in every noise.  I think of Grace's car seat as her sanctuary and don't want her to come out of it in public places.  I feel that as long as she's in it and being swung, she's safe!  I'm getting down nap time, but chills run down my entire body when I hear her little cry earlier than I had hoped.  I think I always have to be looking at her and playing with her when she's awake.  I put her down every night with trepidation, praying she will sleep long--even though she always does.  I still get nervous.  I don't want to leave the house. I strangely believe I will die if Grace cries in public and I can't calm her.  I change pretty much all of the diapers.
• Stage Four:  I begin to realize that I don't have to stare at her every waking second.  I can do things for myself at home again!  I realize that babies are fun.  There are ways to play with them and enjoy them, even though they don't talk back yet.  I let her come out of her car seat and realize that it's easier to hold her to stop her crying than to swing her car seat (and less exhausting!).  I realize I do know what I'm doing to some extent and I can get her to stop crying.  And I'm not publicly flogged when she does cry in public!  I like dressing her up and putting little bows in her hair.  I stop parting her hair like a boy's. :0) I find diaper changing a breeze. :0)
• Stage Five: The current stage.  I adore her more than I ever thought I could or would.  I get excited when she wakes up from naps and don't freak out when it's earlier than expected.  I want to take her around to show her off.  I realize she won't always sleep through the night, but I put her down and act as if she will (for the most part).  I talk to her all the time and dream about what she will be like.  I see her as my little friend.  I think her crying is cute again.  I start to think about taking up hobbies again.  I get things done even when she's awake.  Diaper changing is just a normal part of life.  :0)

Well, I'm not sure if these stages covered all of my eccentric new mother behavior and psyche, but I think they painted a pretty good picture.  I'm so glad that I've come so far.  And to think...it only took me a mere three months to feel normal again...  Bring on the next baby!  Ha, ha, ha...yeah right.