Guilt-Free Parenting

This week has just been one of those weeks. One of those weeks where I felt the need to check two parenting books out from the library, but probably should have checked out ten. One of those weeks where I read said parenting books in two days. One of those weeks where I made Spencer listen to hours of "are we even fit to be parents!?" rants. One of those weeks where I spent hours feeling guilt over my own insecurities, failings, and weaknesses as a parent. One of those weeks where I wondered if my daughter would really make it to her third birthday without being thrown out the window by her crazed mommy first...

But then came our nightly ritual.

Either Spencer or I wake up Grace every night before we go to bed in order to take her to the bathroom. Now, do I feel like this is fantastic, award-worthy parenting? Not really. Do I worry that, by doing this, she will never learn how to stay dry overnight on her own? Sometimes. Do I feel guilty about possibly impeding her urinary competence? But of course! It's me we're talking about here. I am the Queen of Guilt! But...do I care?

Not really.

As I picked Grace up out of her bed tonight and she cuddled comfortably into my chest, I felt nothing but happiness. As she clung to my neck, leaned against me for support, and kissed my cheek, I couldn't help but cry a little. As she smiled at me and laughed out loud about something that only sleepy delusion can make funny, I just felt lucky. Lucky to have this moment, every night, with my sweet little girl. As she told me she loved me "so much" and cuddled back into her covers happily, I couldn't help but stay there by her side for a little while.

This is how I get through those nasty tantrums. This is how I remember how much I love my daughter after she screams and screams about nothing in particular. This is how I remember why I chose to be a mother. Come what may, as long as she permits, I will wake her up and share those sweet, amazing moments with my imperfect, fantastic little girl.

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my baby you'll be.

-Robert Munsch

Beauty School Drop-Out

About three weeks ago, I decided to cut Grace's hair

...while she was in the tub

...without Spencer around

...with dollar store scissors.

About .5 seconds into the haircut (after a good two inches of hair was floating around in the tub...), I realized it was a mistake.

You see, sometimes I just want to do something drastic. Sometimes, I need something (however small) to change in my life. And sometimes...I make emotional, irrational decisions.

Sure, I'd been thinking about evening out her hair for a while to get rid of that "baby hair" look she had. But, in those thoughts, she was sitting up straight-ish in a chair, I was using our nice scissors, and Spencer was there to give feedback. Sigh...

So, I cut. And re-cut. And re-cut again. Until the poor little girl needed a good neck-shaving. Which I can't bring myself to do.

So, here's to the fact that toddlers are very forgiving. And forgetful. And unaware of social norms. And very, very suggestible. :) And here's to a lot of really nice people who have assured me that her hair looks just fine. (while chuckling to themselves inside, no doubt...)

Sorry, Grace. I did my best. Next time, we're takin' the plunge and heading to a beauty parlor.